as the months pass, your skills develop
it's thursday. thursday's usually a pretty decent day because it means it's almost the end of the week...and i usually don't even really think of my primary school fridays that much as 'work'. the afternoon is crawling by as usual as i've got no classes.
my ass is a bit numb from having been sat at my desk for the past two hours straight...not to mention the three hours this morning. across from me, secretary-san is talking in a high-pitched voice on the phone. hai. hai. un. un. arigatou gozaimashita. hai hai. un. un.... math-sensei is playing with her hair. art-sensei has his hands folded across his lap, staring straight ahead of him at nothing in particular. gym-sensei, wearing his track suit, is doing the amazing japanese feat of sleeping while sitting up in his chair. english-sensei is taking nenkyu today. and teachers in japan are soooooooooooooooo busy. yes. yes.
as english-sensei is taking nenkyu today, they asked me to teach his 3-nensei class on my own. (fine). so i managed to get through a 50 minute class using nothing but english. i compare this to how i would have done shortly after arriving here. i've realized that now, after a year and a half of teaching...i know pretty much exactly the sentences and vocabulary which each grade has learned...and am able to speak accordingly (so they are able to understand).
i biked to school today so i could save myself a trip to the gym tonight. i'm excited about this hiatus from the snow, but it was raining the entire time and by the time i got to school my ass was soaked with a cold, wet, muddy filth. it didn't fully dry until fifth period.
i'm trying to decide what to do this weekend. for some reason both options or neither option seems desirable. one option is driving to tokamachi for the snow festival, partying saturday night and being around everyone...the other is going to sado island instead to relax, explore, go to hot springs... hmm...and now as i'm writing this i'm even considering staying shibata/niigata bound as the next 3 weekends will be tied up and travelling with the musical, anyway...
i've really started to hate winter. cold, wet niigata. i literally can't stop complaining about it.
i'm getting sick of living a routine. the bleakness of a sunday evening and the stormcloud of thoughts apon waking up monday morning. the only part of my day that i actually enjoy during the week is the time from when i have just finished my workout at the gym after school...until i go to sleep at night. those precious 3 or 4 hours of the mid-week evening. the rest of it involves waking up too early, going mental from boredom at work, psyching myself up to teach rotten students, trying to find the motivation to hit the gym after a long day accomplishing nothing. i wonder what it feels like to enjoy one's job and it just almost seems too-good-to-be-true.
the weekends are great but are over too quickly. especially if i'm doing the play because then i never even feel as though i'm getting a break.
[ok...coffee break...i'm in need of something to get me through the next hour...] how do you like your coffee? 'crisp'. you like your coffee crisp? 'i like my coffeecrisp'.
'...hey, don't i know you from somewhere...?'
'that's original.'
'emmerson high, 1975...you were in my class'
'i was your teacher.'
...
'ms. fitzhenry???'
'bugsy...brown.'
'wow....'
then i was thinking...remember that anti-drug commercial in the '80's...? what i remember is a guy walking down a hallway in a hospital/rehab place or something. he was wearing some kind of plaid dressing gown, and he had some sort of a mousy-brown mullet. he stops and looks down the hallway and sees another kid. the two cautiously approach each other, and, when they are facing each other, there is a moment of tense what's-gonna-happen??? and then they finally embrace and the song that was playing (the road is loooong...) finally erupts into "my brooother!"
so kate and i went to capricosa's for a meal last night and we got talking...about the fact that she's decided to leave niigata. she's going to hunt for some private work in tokyo or somewhere. maybe kobe or or the kansai area. i've always maintained that the only thing i would do if i left JET was go back to canada. i'm not passionate enough about this country to want to move somewhere else, leave a cushy JET job and have to start all over again. but then i also started thinking (as i have quite often over the past couple of months...or longer...) can i really do this for another year and a half? really? a private job would be difficult to start again, shitty hours and shitty working conditions...but maybe i would feel more like i was actually doing something with my days? instead of just wasting them away...getting older each day as i sit at my desk and piss around on the internet. plus tokyo or osaka or kobe or somewhere woulf feel closer to 'normalicy'. being in a city where there are actually things going on...unlike sterile niigata. but again...enough to leave a cushy job, apartment, car, circle of friends...
...well, the 'circle of friends' is vastly disappearing as more and more ALTs are losing their jobs in august. hm. which is such a shame. because one of the best things niigata had going for it (besides the snow if you're into that) is the tight-knit ALT community.
i felt i needed a change this week. i'm going a bit insane. there are two things i do when i'm craving a change. one is to rearrange my apartment, and the other is to change my hair. i'm going to leave my hair for a bit...it's been through enough over the past 26 years...but i did rearrange my apartment, and i actually like to sit at my kitchen table now (which is now by the balcony doors).
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarg. cleaning time. the part i loathe most about my school day.
my ass is a bit numb from having been sat at my desk for the past two hours straight...not to mention the three hours this morning. across from me, secretary-san is talking in a high-pitched voice on the phone. hai. hai. un. un. arigatou gozaimashita. hai hai. un. un.... math-sensei is playing with her hair. art-sensei has his hands folded across his lap, staring straight ahead of him at nothing in particular. gym-sensei, wearing his track suit, is doing the amazing japanese feat of sleeping while sitting up in his chair. english-sensei is taking nenkyu today. and teachers in japan are soooooooooooooooo busy. yes. yes.
as english-sensei is taking nenkyu today, they asked me to teach his 3-nensei class on my own. (fine). so i managed to get through a 50 minute class using nothing but english. i compare this to how i would have done shortly after arriving here. i've realized that now, after a year and a half of teaching...i know pretty much exactly the sentences and vocabulary which each grade has learned...and am able to speak accordingly (so they are able to understand).
i biked to school today so i could save myself a trip to the gym tonight. i'm excited about this hiatus from the snow, but it was raining the entire time and by the time i got to school my ass was soaked with a cold, wet, muddy filth. it didn't fully dry until fifth period.
i'm trying to decide what to do this weekend. for some reason both options or neither option seems desirable. one option is driving to tokamachi for the snow festival, partying saturday night and being around everyone...the other is going to sado island instead to relax, explore, go to hot springs... hmm...and now as i'm writing this i'm even considering staying shibata/niigata bound as the next 3 weekends will be tied up and travelling with the musical, anyway...
i've really started to hate winter. cold, wet niigata. i literally can't stop complaining about it.
i'm getting sick of living a routine. the bleakness of a sunday evening and the stormcloud of thoughts apon waking up monday morning. the only part of my day that i actually enjoy during the week is the time from when i have just finished my workout at the gym after school...until i go to sleep at night. those precious 3 or 4 hours of the mid-week evening. the rest of it involves waking up too early, going mental from boredom at work, psyching myself up to teach rotten students, trying to find the motivation to hit the gym after a long day accomplishing nothing. i wonder what it feels like to enjoy one's job and it just almost seems too-good-to-be-true.
the weekends are great but are over too quickly. especially if i'm doing the play because then i never even feel as though i'm getting a break.
[ok...coffee break...i'm in need of something to get me through the next hour...] how do you like your coffee? 'crisp'. you like your coffee crisp? 'i like my coffeecrisp'.
'...hey, don't i know you from somewhere...?'
'that's original.'
'emmerson high, 1975...you were in my class'
'i was your teacher.'
...
'ms. fitzhenry???'
'bugsy...brown.'
'wow....'
then i was thinking...remember that anti-drug commercial in the '80's...? what i remember is a guy walking down a hallway in a hospital/rehab place or something. he was wearing some kind of plaid dressing gown, and he had some sort of a mousy-brown mullet. he stops and looks down the hallway and sees another kid. the two cautiously approach each other, and, when they are facing each other, there is a moment of tense what's-gonna-happen??? and then they finally embrace and the song that was playing (the road is loooong...) finally erupts into "my brooother!"
so kate and i went to capricosa's for a meal last night and we got talking...about the fact that she's decided to leave niigata. she's going to hunt for some private work in tokyo or somewhere. maybe kobe or or the kansai area. i've always maintained that the only thing i would do if i left JET was go back to canada. i'm not passionate enough about this country to want to move somewhere else, leave a cushy JET job and have to start all over again. but then i also started thinking (as i have quite often over the past couple of months...or longer...) can i really do this for another year and a half? really? a private job would be difficult to start again, shitty hours and shitty working conditions...but maybe i would feel more like i was actually doing something with my days? instead of just wasting them away...getting older each day as i sit at my desk and piss around on the internet. plus tokyo or osaka or kobe or somewhere woulf feel closer to 'normalicy'. being in a city where there are actually things going on...unlike sterile niigata. but again...enough to leave a cushy job, apartment, car, circle of friends...
...well, the 'circle of friends' is vastly disappearing as more and more ALTs are losing their jobs in august. hm. which is such a shame. because one of the best things niigata had going for it (besides the snow if you're into that) is the tight-knit ALT community.
i felt i needed a change this week. i'm going a bit insane. there are two things i do when i'm craving a change. one is to rearrange my apartment, and the other is to change my hair. i'm going to leave my hair for a bit...it's been through enough over the past 26 years...but i did rearrange my apartment, and i actually like to sit at my kitchen table now (which is now by the balcony doors).
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarg. cleaning time. the part i loathe most about my school day.
posted by Justine at 12:17 a.m.
8 Comments:
are you really thinking of doing something else next year? also, i know that i keep asking you this, but why is the choice only between japan and canada? after all, you are a european citizen as well...
hmmm.
what to do, what to do!!
i hate all this.
everyone is so upset right now.
i dont like it.
i hope its the weather, and nothing else.
I have been telling you how much I HATE Niigata winter.
Anyway, it seems so many things will change with so many people next year. Maybe it's time me to leave as well.
Anyway, i haven't seen you for such a long time! Will you come tonight? Anyway, talk to you soon.
hey j-bean...I feel u on the school situation...that's pretty much what mine is like and the job unsatisfaction/unchallenge (whatever it's a word) is a huge part of why I'm leaving. Like u said, it really is so sad when I'm so lethargic at the end of a fucking long day of doing NOTHING that I don't even have energy to drag myself to the gym..argh...cushy job or not unsatisfaction is unsatisfaction and it bleeds into every facet of your life.
On the other hand I feel like if you have a superb personal/social life, that sometime the JET job is bearable...depends on the person I guess. but with them cutting so many ppl, it really just makes a shit situation worse.
rambling rambling...yeah what about europe? or even other parts of Asia. Taiwan/Korea both pay really well, close to par with JET...thailand looks like it'd be amazing to teach in too...u can always get ur mom to mail u timmy's in a can :)
5 minutes till home!
xoxo grace
hey,
i have been in niigata three and a half years and i have felt like this many,many times.this job really sucks sometimes, i know how you feel on that one only too well. i have stayed while close friends have gone and felt left behind. i changed jobs,apartments, set up a new life twice here (once all by myself without JET to hold my hand.it can be done!) i have always been able to find something positive in my being here, be it travel or the people i meet, my friends, my boy, friday afternoons off, money, whatever, but recently i can't help feeling it really is time to go, to move on, for me at least. all these recent alt cuts means not only are people losing their jobs/being moved but there will be little or no new blood in the ken from august. that has to be bad. that said i thought i wouldn't survive here without my old buddies who abandoned me to return to the real world but i did. there is always someone new to meet, somewhere new to visit, new friends to be made. don't know where i'm going with this but i guess i just want to say i empathise and feel shitty for all those being forced to leave/move.also don't leave til you're really sure you're ready to go. not sure if this makes sense, i'm still recovering from a bout of food poisoning so forgive me.
btw kate, can't believe you're leaving!
xxx
thanks guys for all your comments/thoughts. kell, it's true that one shouldn't stay if their not totally sure about leaving...and i'm not. i have decided to stay...and at this point that's what i plan on doing. it's true, my friends here (there will be some left!!! esp kat and tam and kate won't be too far away hopefully!) and the travel and lots of other things make it worthwile in the end.
xo
btw grace, don't know why you couldn't comment...thanks for sending it to my hotmail. really appreciate the thoughts! i posted yours as annonymous. xo
I just have to post a comment form someone who DID return to the real world. It is really strange, there is this bubble in Japan, for instance, I completely forgot how to manage ordinary amounts of money and forgot that major travel was not something that happend every three months.
The adjustments are huge even after a single year.
Being there is wonderful, but you have to remember that if the time between the major trips is sucking you dry, if your complaints outweigh the joy you are getting then you are not doing yourself any favors by staying and you are probably not doing your job well either. The day-to-day stuff is your LIFE!
That said, I know that personally I had phases where I was shoving as much chocolate in my gob as possible and drinking enough coffee to kill a houseplant, because I was so unsatisfied with the work/politics of being a western woman in Niigata City, then the feeling would shift, and things would feel really great, you have to step back and ask yourself if there is a bright spot ahead, there usually is.
You have to be able to find perspective, Japan was a wonderful experience, I think that if I'd have known that things would turn out the way they did, I'd have stayed. The real world is just that "real" In Japan, you get the suspended fantsay world, you are whoever you want to be, the same constraints that exist at home do not exist. There is a level of freedom that is abnormal and hard to come down from. You have to weigh everything. Don't base descisions on money: EVER.
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